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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017025">It's Okay To Not Be Okay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Psychiatric Hospital, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, M/M, Manic Episodes, Mental Instability, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychosis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:28:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jungwoo still doesn't trust me and Jaehyun is determined to make our lives a living hell. Johnny's stitches are almost ready to come out, though, and Hyuck is in the middle of yet another manic episode. They don't seem to be lasting as long but they're coming more and more frequently now."</p><p>Xuxi doesn't say anything as he runs his fingers through Hendery's hair, gently massaging his scalp before urging him to sit up. "Dinner is on the stove. Let's eat and you can tell me all about it."</p><p>-</p><p>Hendery is a nurse at a psychiatric hospital, who, much like his patients, is just trying to cope with the day to day struggle of what it is to spend life in the psych ward.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's Okay To Not Be Okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! Updates for this are probably gonna be pretty slow due to the nature of the content. Mental illness is a serious topic and I want to do this fic justice by doing my research, and overall, just doing my best to not rush things. This chapter is more of an intro to the characters than anything, so stay tuned. (✿◠‿◠)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>"Come on now, you need to eat."</p><p>"No. Not unless you taste it first."</p><p>"But you like chicken fingers, Jungwoo."</p><p>"I know that, but how am I supposed to know if they've been poisoned or not unless you take a bite first?"</p><p>Hendery sighs and sets the tray down onto Jungwoo's nightstand, before grabbing a chicken finger and taking a small bite from the corner. "See? Still alive."</p><p>"For now," Jungwoo replies with narrowed eyes. He scoots himself back so that his feet are no longer touching the ground, and brings a pillow into his lap with a sigh just as heavy as Hendery's. "Not all poisons are fast acting."</p><p>Hendery just shakes his head as he leaves a bottle of juice next to the tray, and tosses a pair of plastic utensils onto the bed beside where Jungwoo is sitting. "If I'm still alive in twenty minutes, you have to promise to eat, okay?"</p><p>"Thirty, and yes."</p><p>Getting Jungwoo to eat was always an uphill battle, and it was something Hendery struggled with more than any of the other nurses did. Jungwoo didn't trust him at all, being that he was still relatively new to the facility, and everything Hendery brought him had to be tasted and checked for weapons or potential threats before being deemed as 'safe'.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Why do I have to be the one to do it? He trusts you more than he trusts me. Hell, he trusts Yangyang more than he trusts me, and Yangyang is only here once a week!'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'That's exactly why you have to do it,' Kun replies, not even bothering to look up from his paperwork. 'How else is he gonna learn to trust you if we keep letting you avoid him?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'I'm not avoiding him, I'm just--' Avoiding him. Hendery purses his lips and does his best to suppress the groan that he so badly wants to let out. He knew that working in a psychiatric hospital wouldn't be an easy job, but it seemed like Kun was purposely going out of his way to make things difficult. 'Look, wouldn't it be less stressful on both of us to just have somebody else tend to him? I'm not avoiding him because it's not like I'm running every time I see him, it's just that--well, I mean, why not use somebody he actually trusts when it comes to invading his personal space like that?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Did you even listen to a word I said? How is he going to learn to trust you if we do that? If you plan on being here as long term as you say you are, then you need to be able to interact with everybody, and that includes the hard to deal with ones.'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't that Hendery <em>didn't</em> want to deal with Jungwoo, not at all. He'd dealt with psychosis patients at the last facility he'd worked at and everything had always been fine, but it was different this time. Jungwoo had multiple delusions, one of which being that he was a king. He trusted no one and lived in fear that everyone was out to take his throne, and Hendery, being somebody new and 'foreign' to him, is unfortunately one of those people.</p><p>"Hey, hyung."</p><p>"Hmm? What is--oh god<em>.</em>" Hendery turns around and finds himself face to face with Jaehyun, who is in nothing but an open bathrobe. "Where are your clothes, Jaehyun?"</p><p>"What? It's not like I'm naked or anything." Jaehyun tugs on the edges of his bathrobe, but makes no effort to cover himself. "Besides, you know you like the view. What person wouldn't? I'm a god."</p><p>"I'm married and almost six years older than you are, so you're funny if you think this--" Hendery waves his hand in a circle, encompassing Jaehyun and all of his half naked glory in one swift motion. "--has any effect on me."</p><p>"I won't tell your husband if you don't," Jaehyun winks. "And twenty-nine is nothing. You act as if I've never been with people more than double my age."</p><p>"Just tell me what you want. I have meals to deliver and they're getting cold."</p><p>"Guitar strings. I want to serenade that cute guy in room 309."</p><p>"Johnny?" Hendery asks incredulously. "Absolutely not! How many times do we have to tell you to stay away from him?"</p><p>"Not enough, apparently."</p><p>Hendery stifles a groan and presses his fingers to his temples before nodding toward the front desk. "Go talk to whoever is in reception. We can get you the strings, but <em>not</em> for you to use with Johnny."</p><p>"That's what you think," Jaehyun smirks, laughing maniacally as he runs down the hall. "That pretty boy is gonna be mine whether he likes it or not."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Jaehyun has taken an interest in the patient in room 309. I need you guys to be on your toes at all times and make sure they don't interact unsupervised.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Why? What's wrong with them being together unsupervised?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kun crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the wall with a sigh. 'Jaehyun is a narcissist, as we all know. He feels important and like he's above the rest of us, meaning that he doesn't take any feelings that aren't his own into consideration. He has no problem taking advantage of others if it means getting what he wants, and we've all seen the meltdowns that result when he's told he can't have or do something. He expects everyone to treat him as if he were on top of the world--'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Which is exactly what Johnny would do if left to their own devices,' Ten jumps in. 'People with borderline personality disorder often idolize people the get attached to, putting them on a pedestal and then delving into extremely dark places when things don't go the way they want them to. Johnny can go from cloud nine to spiraling very dangerously at the drop of a hat, and being allowed contact with someone like Jaehyun could be life threatening. The whole reason he's here is due to self injury and multiple suicide attempts, most of which stemmed from rejection or separation. Letting them be together is essentially the same thing as lighting a bomb.'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hendery never expected that the hardest part of his job would be to keep Romeo and Juliet <em>away</em> from each other. Johnny hasn't shown any sort of romantic interest in Jaehyun, at least not that anyone could tell, but they wouldn't put it past Jaehyun to manipulate his way into Johnny's heart. Manipulation was something he did without even trying, and letting him have his way with Johnny could prove very detrimental to Johnny's physical and mental health.</p><p>"How's it goin', John? Did Dr. Qian come to see you this morning?"</p><p>Johnny nods, absentmindedly touching his fingers to the bandages on his left arm. "The stitches are almost ready to come out. Two more weeks, he said." He sets his book down onto his desk and instantly perks up when he sees the food cart. "Are those waffle fries?"</p><p>"Just the way you like 'em," Hendery smiles. He hands Johnny a tray of food and offers him utensils and a bottle of juice before placing his hands on his hips. "Are you reading Fifty Shades Of Gray <em>again</em>? You do know that we have a library, right? And that you don't have to keep reading the same book over and over?"</p><p>"I know," Johnny replies, grabbing the book and bringing it into his chest. "I just...like the fact that I know what's gonna happen. It makes me feel safe knowing that there are no surprises or twists waiting for me."</p><p>"Makes sense. My husband is the same way with movies and TV shows. I have to go find Hyuck, but holler if you need anything, okay? It's me and Ten today."</p><p>"Try the gym. Taeil was following him around earlier and he said something about not touching the weights."</p><p>Hendery doesn't say anything as he maneuvers himself and the cart back down the hall and toward the gym. It wasn't odd for Donghyuck and Taeil to always be within a close proximity to each other, but the fact that they were in the gym was worrisome. Donghyuck never worked out, and the only time he ended up there was when he was having a manic episode.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Just trust me.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Taeil, he's going to hurt himself. The gym is the last place he needs to be!'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'He won't hurt himself with supervision. He's manic, not stupid.' Taeil points toward the monitor, specifically at the one that shows Donghyuck aggressively running on the treadmill. 'I've known him since he was born, Kun, and trust me when I say this is the best thing for him. He needs to get that energy out somehow, and running it off is better than destroying his room or trying to pick fights with people when they don't want to deal with him.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'But the weights--'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Like I said, he's manic, not stupid. Running on the treadmill is better than multitasking like he's on steroids, or trying to convince people to sleep with him or gamble their lives away.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kun doesn't argue because he knows that Taeil is right, even if he does think being in the gym is dangerous. Donghyuck is notorious for putting himself, as well as others, at risk when a manic episode hits, and supposed that being isolated in the gym is better than any of the other alternatives. 'I'll allow it, but only under strict supervision. He gets distracted easily and the last thing we need is for him to get himself hurt or in trouble because his common sense has evaporated.'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Hyuck, you hungry at all?"</p><p>"No, no, no, no, no, no--"</p><p>"You need to eat," Taeil replies. He's standing with his arms crossed and his back against the wall, and nods toward Hendery as he steps inside. "You only ate a few bites of breakfast and you can't take your medication later if you don't have anything in your stomach."</p><p>Donghyuck lets go of the treadmill and lets himself slide backwards before hopping off and taking Hendery by the hands while jumping up and down. "Somebody tried to break into my room last night while I was sleeping and I know that because I was only <em>pretending</em> to sleep so that I could throw them off and--"</p><p>"Nobody was trying to break into your room last night, Hyuck," Hendery says gently. He takes his hands from Donghyuck's grasp and places them on his shoulders in an attempt keep him still for longer than a split second. "It was probably just Dr. Qian coming to check on up on you."</p><p>"My birthday is soon and my mom said we could go to Disney."</p><p>"Oh, really? How old are you gonna be?"</p><p>"What? Why do you ask? Can I go to my room?"</p><p>"Only if you take a tray of food with you," Taeil says again. "You need to eat, Donghyuck."</p><p>"But it tastes like cardboard," Donghyuck whines. He turns to Taeil and grabs onto his shirt before shifting his attention back to the treadmill. "I have to go before they get me again!"</p><p>Hendery and Taeil say nothing as Donghyuck rushes back onto the treadmill and begins running while shouting nonsense about being followed. "I'll just leave it here?" Hendery says after a moment, realizing that Donghyuck is too hyperactive to be able to focus on any one particular thing.</p><p>"Please," Taeil nods. "I'll get him to eat eventually."</p><p>"Speaking of, I should go check on Jungwoo. I told him I'd be back to prove to him that I haven't died."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hendery falls face forward onto the couch as soon as he manages to get his shoes off, and sighs into the cushion as his husband takes a seat in the empty space beside him.</p><p>"Long day, huh?"</p><p>"Extremely. Jungwoo still doesn't trust me and Jaehyun is determined to make our lives a living hell by trying to pursue Johnny, despite us telling him to stay away from him. Johnny's stitches are almost ready to come out, though, and Hyuck is in the middle of yet another manic episode. It took three hours for Taeil to get him to eat anything. They don't seem to be lasting as long but they're coming more and more frequently now, and neither Kun nor Yangyang have been able to figure out what's triggering them."</p><p>Xuxi doesn't say anything as he runs his fingers through Hendery's hair, gently massaging his scalp before urging him to sit up. "Dinner is on the stove. Let's eat and you can tell me all about it."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Everyone's ages are canon except for the hospital staff, who are obviously a bit older considering they're all nurses and doctors. I'm not too sure if I made that obvious or not, so just thought I'd point that out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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